The first and second day was easy. The third day, not so much. I weened Alexandra off the formula that the doctors sent her home on and she started waking up so much more. Breast feeding is a challenge: a sleep deprivation challenge, a can I get more calories in one feeding challenge, a did I eat enough today challenge. At the hospital they put your baby on 2 feedings of formula a day, ours was 22 calories. For me this is insane because I am breast feeding and I put hours upon hours into making, storing, transporting, labeling, and monitoring the things I ate to make the milk and they want to sedate my children with formula. Why? Because preemies need more calories and they are not sure that my breast milk is enough. Well, I am sure. I am positive in fact. I was made to feed these babies. Your milk changes with the needs of your child. I have never tested my milk and neither have they but I am sure the caloric content would be at least 22 calories per feeding if not greater. On top of that I eat very well to ensure that my milk is full of nutrients, fat content and protein. I only have one baby home and I am like this. And now I must prepare for the other. I will never sleep again.
Keeping myself healthy and creating a balance between housework and baby time is extremely difficult. Difficult on top of difficult on top of difficult.
I miss Eros with all my being I have been able to make it up to the hospital once a day to see him for 2-3 hours at a time. It is not enough. He is nipple confused. Has no idea what to do with my breast because he is getting way more bottles, since he has gotten better I have been able to breast feed him twice. He is sometimes too tired or not awake and I can’t wake him. Other times like today I want to go there, but Daniele wants to rest because he only had four hours of sleep and he doesn’t want to stay with Alexandra alone because he’s afraid he won’t wake up with her. Which is understandable. I have watched him sleep and watched him roll over and put his back to the co-sleeper or plop his hand down on her unknowingly. Alexandra travels to the hospital with us most nights but has to wait in the waiting room with someone who is usually, Daniele’s brother right now but she has to make that trip and go outside of the house which I hate. Daniele and I must switch and one person stay with Eros and one person stay with Alexandra. I can’t wait until he’s home so we don’t have to do this anymore.
Here’s a link to a story of a woman who barely made any breast milk and still had a high caloric content with preemie twins.
Even though this is one of the most difficult times in my life it is also the most happiest. I love waking up and seeing my baby and knowing that she is hungry. i am lucky we made it. I am so fortunate and i don’t want you to think I’m complaining, I knew this would be difficult when we started trying to have the babies, just didn’t know how much.