This time last year I was dress shopping for tomorrow night’s debauchery at a nightclub in Atlantic City for my birthday. And if you would of told me that by this time next year I’d have two kids and a husband, I would have said , “Gimme that shot and shut the f*%k up.” But every year I would make my birthday wishes and I would wish like this : “let me always have enough of what i need and happiness.” Last year I had eight cakes. I think they worked. (smile) This year I’ve had one party(compliments of my sister, jessica) one cake and one pile of donuts covered in candles and one bouquet of flowers (compliments of daniele).
On the same day as my poppin bottles extravaganza last year, Alexandra was supposed to come home this year. July 6th. Today is the 8th and she’s still in the hospital. I am both relieved and sad about this because we needed more time to make the house normal again. In the past two weeks I have repainted, the living room, aquired 2 couches and a queen size bed from craigslist and took most of the furniture out of my bedroom and house to make space for the new arrivals and create a more family friendly atmosphere. Before our house was an artist’s haven, with a bohemain style feel and not kid friendly at all. There were all kinds of don’t touch things that were accessible to kids. Because our house is old, it was built in the 1920′s and it gets a lot of dust so I am still wiping down
walls and all the trim in the house and scrubbing floors and trying to make every nook and cranny clean for the babies. We had to find air conditioners. My whole house was un-airconditioned and now thanks to two donations from my aunt linda and cousin tabby we can cool the whole top floor. I got sick when we put them in but I don’t know if thats related or not. I’ve always hated air conditioning and now I’m adjusting to it. For premature babies its very important to keep them at temperatures lower then 80 degrees but not colder then 60 degrees. They have to have the least stress as possible to transition from the hospital to home environment, and our house is completely different from any hospital. The house is transitioning and so am I. I think that’s a characteristic of cancer’s that our home mirrors our emotions and life phase cause were so domestically oriented. I’m reorganizing what used to be my shell into our shell.
I am also glad Alexandra didn’t come home because Eros is not ready to come home yet and I’d rather them stay together as long as possible. It would be a nightmare trying to find people to watch Alexandra while I went to the hospital to see Eros and I feel like when you separate them they would feel very alone.
On top of everything else, the state of pensylvania thinks Eros is a girl. His birth certificate and social security card all messed up someone in hospital must have listed him as a female and now I have to change everything again. And Alexandra’s name on birth certificate is Baby girl and her social security never went through because of it. So I had to resend in everything and now after 3 months of waiting we have to wait again.
Also I am working on documents for Daniele’s application for permanent resident status here and have to schedule appointments and translate paperwork and collect documents. It is a lot of work and money to become a legalized resident in America. There is a million things to do and what feels like no time to do them. But this is life , right? Every day so busy that you work until you drop to sleep on the bed. The kids aren’t even home yet and I’m tired all the time no matter how much I sleep, eat or drink coffee. And everyone tells me it’s even more tiring when they come home. I chose this, and I am committed to doing it the best I can, however having children is definitely a life altering experience, that no one really communicates to you that clearly or in enough detail before you have them. But look at them… how could you not have them. They are so beautiful.